Mood: STOOOONE.... haha so bored
Music: Numb by Linkin Park

aiyah nth much happend to day lah...

stupid founders day and award ceromony.... only pay attention to a few pple, the rest heck care, except for one blur cock that didnt even know where to SHAKE his hands... seow poh leng medallist some more... tsk tsk

spent a whole damn hour looking for that stupid shithead, did my chinese test, then went to julians house, screwed ard when kaijun joined later... watched the incredibles... talked nonsense

went home... now i'm in front of the comm... haha

pretty flat day... but fun

Bands and Singers i like:
-Hillsongs
-Planet Shakers (thx fabriz for introduction of this band)
-Yellowcard
-Good Charlotte
-Linkin Park
-Simple Plan
-Sum 41
-Clay Aiken (i dont care how gay you say he is... his songs are very meaningful k?)
-Avril Lavigne (fine so i do like her songs, but everyone's so obsessed with her, gets pretty dumb)
-Green Day (Songs aren't nice at first but you get to appreciate them as time passes...)

yeah thats about it...

Mood: Cheerful =)
Music: All Day by Hillsong

ahhh... sunday

was rather pissed off in the morning cause my family like couldnt be bothered to be early.... luckily i told them that i had to be there at 900 instead of 930... or i'll be late... yup yup thats the reason i wanted to be early... one of the reasons anyway... =)

oh well prepared stuff to help the little kiddies LEARN stuff... brought a bunch of ring pop thing to give as prizes... everyone was like SO CUUUUUUUTE!!! like wtf mate... the youths i mean....

service worship was rather dull... boring songs... except maybe forever... but thats getting old and i think its so dumb that my church makes such a big deal out of it... it isnt THAT great a song...

SERMON

oh yeah for some stupid reason drong was present in the church today... and the choir... and spastic elaine wan... stupid julian wasnt here cause he PON.... moron

after service helped the children learn... dont think it was very productive... haha

oh yes i am morally in debt to a CERTAIN SOMEONE cause i allegedly HIT HER ON THE HEAD... i owe her compensation... argh and she still hasnt come up with what my punishment is.. sigh -.-

hmmm.. came home, played a little guitar... shifted comm into my room, which i am using now...

SHIFTED THE COMM INTO MY ROOM!!!!!! I HAVE MY OWN PRIVATE COMMM!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH YAY!!!

w00t.. but the stupid piece of shit wont play dvds... -.- oh well

tata...

Mood: Rather sentimental, like i feel really devoted... =)
Music: I Will Carry You by Clay Aiken

hello pple... is this the first time i'm posting on a saturday? hmm i think it is... haha

ok in the morning woke up extra early, like 8 o clock, cause i was expecting a message or a call from KENNETH or KAIJUN cause they were supposed to come over... yesterday say like what tell you tmr... so cock... i sent a message at like what... 9 45 and still no reply... oh well then i went on msn and turns out they were BOTH online, kenneth say sth about wanna go sch just to piss off the sec 1s and 2s... kaijun doing his lang arts b shit on eric clapton, and me finishing up mine...

aiyah anyway i found the tab to i dont wanna miss a thing and was like playing it to the song... so cool... haha. Had lunch then went back online. Then my internet screws up continuosly and my mouse keeps getting disconnected like crap... so damn irritating, so i got pissed off and turned off the comm for good. But not before having an insanely stupid msn conversation with alvin tan and a BIG bunch of students... like we were all bored like crap so we invited people and started to bug them : " THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE" "KEVIN THE TANK ENGINE!!!" "KEVIN THE TANK ENGINE RUNS DOWN THE FAT CONTROLLER!!!" yeah crap like that. anyway i came upon spybot and then my comm's OK NOW!!! yay

hmmm, after that i watched black hawk down... such a nice show, eric bana's character's just damn cool... haha redneck izzit? anyway after that i went to the comm again, did nothing much but play music and watch downloaded mtvs...

DINNER

came up to watch malcolm in the middle and the simpsons... and here i am now... w00t

hmmmm.... was reading through my sms inbox today, trying to look for a sign... ANYTHING... there are some possible ones... but... unlikely, oh well... church tmr, helping little kiddies learn stuff =)

bye for now

Mood: HYPEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEE
Music: I JUST WANNA LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVEEEEE by Good Charlotte

WAHWHAHAHHWHAHHAHWAHHAWHAHWH!!!! DUNNO WHY BUT I'M SUPER HYPED UP!!! WHEE!!!!!!!!

ok now that i've released most of my hyperNESSSS (ness ness ness....)... lets talk about what happenes today.......

hmmm first was POD... SO FUN!!! like joseph wong's a damn funny slack teacher... whole day talk cock sing song PLAY PING PONG!!!

then was IHS TEST!!! AAAAARRRRGH!!! THE TEST SO EASY!!! i got 28/40... hmmm... THATS NOT TOO BAD!!!

RECESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS + GEOG AND BIO SLACK PERIOD

sigh... then was lang arts a.... ferdinand queks last lesson.... THIS IS WHERE I GET A LITTLE SENTIMENTAL MWAHAHHAH... its SO SAD!!! i wish he could stay forever....argh, and i didnt even get to stay through the whole lesson cause i had to leave for IMT....

SKIPPED CHINESE TEST

IMT was fun cause i DIDNT HAVE TO WEAR STUPID COMBAT BOOTS!!! HAH.....

hmmm.... in case you pple are wondering i resolved the cause of my depression yesterday.... WHEE!!!! YAY!!! ok bye nothing much to write right now....

BOO!!!

Mood: very depressed... dont even know why i wanna blog... or even live
Music: none cause my stupid music player screwed up

what happened in school today? nothing interesting that i can remember of, any nice thing probably wont cheer me up so theres no point writing it... at least physics test was easy like crap...

went home then left home within 30 minutes to go for some assesment test to see which level of guitar class i should go for... oh whoopee i'm level 4 out of 6... quite good already... at least thats one thing i dont suck at...

got home, played my guitar in an attempt to cheer myself up... think it worked? even my favourite song (God of Wonders) couldnt cheer me up... that song has a lot of meaning to me... it's the song that inspired me to play the guitar, the song i learned my strumming on... the song that i first learned to pluck...

So now here i am, blogging, not in the mood to do anything in particular, desperately searching for some way to release my emotions... there are simply too many thoughts in my head... pondering on the meaning of life...

i feel like commiting suicide...

anyway what is the purpose of humans on this Earth? they dont allow themselves to be part of any food chain, they contribute nothing to the environment but instead destroy and manipulate it, and claim themselves to be ruler over everything. seriously, would the world be any different if humans were just, gone? the world would probably be a better place. then i think, God created man in his own image, thus we must have a purpose, for him. i believe that our purpose here on earth is to praise him and worship him, cause thats probably why we were created in the first place.... thats probably why i take worship seriously... i believe that God has a will for each and every one of us, that our life is already laid out for us, and that we are just a train, with path set by God to follow. Thus sometimes when something bad happens, i try to comfort myself with the thought that God willed this to happen, therefore it must have a purpose, no matter how bad it may be...

In case any of you are wondering why i am so depressed, the answer is... i dont know, seriously... all i know is that i think my life is just screwed up... i just suck in everything i do, it's tough living in a life like this when nothing ever works out... maybe you should try it one day

Mood: Downcast
Music: Disappear by Hoobastank

Well cant exactly say that school today was crappy.... the timetable passed really fast!

it's like double advanced math... learned logarithms... so cheem, at least i kinda got the hang of it and learned a coupla rules.

Followed by Lang Arts B, suseela and her unreasonable standards of class noise level... it's like talking normally "why is this place like a fish market? i want a QUIET DISCUSSION.".... dont talk at all? "you are too quiet..." like wth man... can you hear properly?

anyway lang arts a was fun.... as usual, but it saddens me that with each day that passes we draw closer to the day where he leaves us.... SIGH... Ferdinand Quek's the most amusing teacher we've had since Ms Eu lah, in many aspects he's like azmi... No one bothers fooling around in his class to liven up the atmosphere, they both tell daily lame jokes, and they are forever cheerful.... thats the most important thing. Cant these moron people actually MAKE UP THEIR MINDS on who's gonna teach us? i mean like, this is the second change BACK TO SQUARE ONE. a bit the stupid if you ask me, oh well we were pretty reluctant to leave loh chin ee too... maybe it wont be so bad.... what would totallky ROCK though, would be to have him for both lang arts a AND b.... just like we has Ms Eu for both in sec one... we really need some better teachers to make up for.... *censored*

incidentally, we didnt have that @$$hole's period today, which meant no pouting, no cause for us to feel like it was a crappy school day. Actually, that's what made today so GREAT... HAH... cant wait for the next zhou zi...

jason chan actually taught during physics... though we were too accustomed to not paying attention in his class that most of us hardly caught anything he said...

recess followed by a one hour free period for me =) hahahahah....

then it was just an hour of core math and iso, which was fun....

besides the school day being ok... it was still a crappy day lah.... had a conversation with my mom in the car ride home about me getting an electric guitar... What can i say, more and more crap reasons sprouting out, TOO NOISY, NOT A SOLO INSTRUMENT..... and the best ,"if i give it to you now you'll just get it instantly and not appreciate it" HELLO?! IVE BEEN WANTING THIS SINCE THE START OF LAST YEAR!!! and she's afraid that the novelty will wear out after a while and i'll chuck it to one side and never play it.... YEAH RIGHT?! and she wont even allow me to go get a second hand guitar that i may even have a remote chance of AFFORDING. She says " nonono, you dont know how to pick out a right guitar... what if you buy then no good HOW?!" whatever lah... how the hell am i supposed to afford a brand new one on my savings alone? sigh..... loooooooooooooooooong way to go...

and i'm getting tired of being daoed all the time, it's like i'm so unimportant that i'm not even worth a reply.... oh well i must try to look at it from another side, maybe the message just took really long to reach... once it took three days....or that person's busy.... no free sms to spare... but isnt it common courtesy to reply to a message? sigh....

so it was still a crappy day, at least i finished my zhuan ti zuo ye.... physics test tmr, have no idea what to study... sigh...

Parents

Mood: Resentful
Music: Perfect by Simple Plan

ahhh.. parents... evil overlords of your house... to all those of you who have good and nice relationships with your parents... good for you... seriously.

and what about me? i'm stuck with a pair of over-restrictive parents who think that they understand me... geez, i mean like, no one does right? not even them, seriously... so why dont they just stop pretending that they do? maybe they feel that they like fail as parents if they dont understand their child? But it isnt their fault if they dont...

anyway i'm damn pissed with my parents at their disapproval of my music, my mom at least... oh i'm not allowed to play music in my sister's room where the comm is located cause it'll disturb her work.... heck i'm not even allowed to PLUCK MY GUITAR in her room!!! it's simply outrageous, they dont go on the verge of throwing the grand piano away when i'm working in the same room right?! biased people... ohoh my mum says that my songs make her very agitated... well the only thing i can say is WELCOME TO MY LIFE... that's EXACTLY how i feel when dumbass classical cds are played in the CAR.... NO ESCAPE

and another thing is that they dont let me stay up after 10 to watch tv... like wtf... not like i cant wake up right? lame reasons like ohoh your mindset will not be right for tmr and crap like that... geez... even though they dont let me watch i'll still stay up anyways... maybe just to spite them but thats not the point...Then the next day i have to endure people talking about the shows they watched and stuff...

i'm not allowed my own comm in my room... WHY?! because apparently i'm NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH... is that up to them to decide? how would they know? doesnt keeping a bunch of fish in the pink of health prove me to be responsible enough? geez... just like you pple... they wont give me a chance... they have ZERO respect for my privacy, probing into my wallet... getting all upset just cause i decided to put PIN CODE REQUEST ON... geez... i'm turning FIFTEEN...

they have no concept of puntuality, like dont give a damn whether i'm early or late... "a bit late also can"... LIke what kind of attutude is that lah?! some things serously cant be altered... like CHURCH!!! we cant even get there on time, let alone meet our pastor's request to turn up five minutes earlier so that we can calm our souls down for worship....

oh well.... maybe i'm just being bloody ungrateful, but i see the parents of others... and i am jealous... too bad i cant choose who my parents are.. so i think i'll just learn to live then...

Mood: Oblivous and slightly air headed
Music: All Star by Smashmouth (probably explains mood)

hmmm.... what happened today? oh yeah...

SCOUTS DAY!!! haha... drill was not bad... quite good actually. high pitched guy, and some berets were like facing the wrong direction, like daryl's =) haha...

Pe after that, so sian... another 3 km run... i need motivation to keep on running throughout the whole way, suggestions anybody? Settled the issue about the class swimmers... vehemently objected due to the fact that i wanted to watch the meet... oh well... maybe being a participant would gimme a better opportunity...hmmm

Went to library and slack, then had a math... then we got bitched by that asshole xsh again... she just keeps getting worse and worse as the days go by... today spend 20 minutes talking CRAP then give us ying yong wen to write...so damn retarded... at least it was amusing, me and fish like worked out this system, by where if you look at her eight times by the end of the week, you go BLIND... currently the both of us kena THREE times already... we better watch out.... then she bitch at me and fish cause we carried the stupid magazines for her then didnt get them... SHE DIDNT F***ING SAY WE HAD TO TAKE THEM RIGHT?! so now i'm stuck without an issue... that i incidentally PAID MONEY FOR!!! i mean like, just cause she's such an insufferable waste of food doesnt mean she has the right to WASTE MY MONEY!!!

lang arts a entertaining as usual....but it's so sad... he's gonna leave then chin ee's coming back... sigh, i rather have him anyday, at least he's entertaining... chin ee's rather boring... sigh... just when i thought all teachers this year were gonna be GOOD except for... YOU KNOW WHO

lang arts b unconstructive, chemistry particularly sleepy today, what can be said for physics... i mean like, jason chan's a nice guy and all... but so far we have learned SQUAT from him... cause he hasn't taught ANYTHING...

oh well... art class after that. towards the end of the lesson, farlow left and then me sean and tek decided to be incredibly bored and play this damn stupid game.... dunno what it's called... but you have to come up with three people, then the other person will have to choose who they wanna SHOOT, SHAG or MARRY.... so it was damn funny... tek started first, came up with chong wee, lejon and paul, sean came up with david chan, jmac and ryan goh... and i came up with lowell farlow, danny toh and sharon woon.... go figure out what we chose...

to sum it up... A SLIGHTLY LESS CRAPPY DAY THAN YESTERDAY.... sigh i'm still getting daoed... blah

Another crappy day...

Mood: Pretty depressed... life has no meaning
Sounds: All Day by Hillsong..... maybe it's just to prove my point about todays worship... *shrugs*

WAH!!! TODAY REALLY SUCKED LEH!!!

okok... stop yelling for now, started the day off BAD with CRAPPY worship on a CRAPPY piano with CRAPPY songs. Plus stupid Daryl standing next to me kept leaning over to say shit like "dont you just LOVE the piano?" I mean like... WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM MAN?! HERE I AM ALREADY PISSED OFF BY THIS SHIT, I POSTED A POST SAYING HOW MUCH I HATED CHAPEL'S WORSHIP.... AND YOU STILL WANNA PISS ME OFF SOMEMORE?! GET A LIFE DICK.... not to mention that Tan Boon Chui seems to have attained new levels of bitchiness...

After the classic case of crappy worship, we had to endure like 45 minutes of listening to a retarded speaker that seems to have his dick recently cut off with a butterknife.... i mean, i thought ferdinand quek was bad... then this guy comes along. At least ferdinand quek is able to captivate his audience... after CRAPPY speech, anouncements and all sorts of nonsense made me so bored that i decided to say, "i'm bored, i shall fantasize", when actually i meant i wanted TO FREAKING SLEEP!!! then stupid daryl and kenneth came up with this retarded porn story involving xsh, beeping, francis soo, doctor ong and FANNY TAN. OH MY SON WHAT THE HELL?! LIKE WHAT SHE WORE ON CHINESE NEW YEAR WASNT OBSCENE ENOUGH?!

CRAPPY chapel over, core math starts, now you know the day really sucks when the lesson that you've been counting on to be a GOOD lesson turns out to be SCREWED UP. No offense to Azmi of course, just my incompetence at understanding what he was teaching, it's REALLY FRUSTRATING.... it's like, core math is so retarded, it's SO SIMPLE ITS DIFFICULT!!! like, it's a whole long shit just to solve a really simple problem, plus the stuff taught would hardly be applied in real life...

Recess... then XSH... nothing much to be said, just usual BITCHING about, not to mention stupid fish not allowing me to join his bloody zhuan ti zuo ye group, it's so damn irritating when pple dont give you a CHANCE to even prove yourself, they just CONDEMN YOU BECAUSE OF ONE BLOODY SCREW UP.... ever heard of the fact that THINGS actually change over TIME?! anyway, you all know i really cant do the zhuan ti zuo ye by myself, so if no one wants to help me... i'm really F***ED.

Depressed during chem cause the stuff was rathe confusing but mostly because of what happened during chinese. During IHS things seemed to lighten up a little, mini tagboard thing on foolscap was a great idea, except when daryl and kenneth started using chrissie to piss me off... i mean, it's not fair to insult someone at the expense of another... especially THAT someone...

oh well... at least the two of them suceeded in making me feel like such a bloody loser, the rejection and daoing came back to haunt me, nothing happened on sunday.... at least adv math was fun... it's my new favourite subject now...

MRT ride home was fun until fabriz left, then daryl and kenneth started attacking me again about you-know-who.... then had to wait for FIFTEEN MINUTES AT BLOODY KEMBANGAN STATION JUST SO THAT MY MOM WOULD PICK ME UP. IN THE BLAZING HEAT!!!

blah... it really was another crappy day... mom yelling at me cause i didnt hear her calling me to come down for dinner because i was playing to hillsongs and didnt hear anything... maybe if i didnt let daryl and kenneth do all that shit to me i would feel better... sigh... at least i can always come back here. it's like my thought keeper... sorry for all the long posts, but it's reflective on the amount of thoughts i have bottled up in my head, and i just have to let them out...

Worship

Every sunday there is worship... duh. But usually i fail to feel spiritually high and touched... why?

Maybe it's cause my standard of a good worship's rather high, all the songs must be to my liking, or i'll just stand there and not even sing a word. Why do you think i'm always to restless during chapel in the morning? Cause the worship plain SUX. I mean like, a bunch of hymns with a solo piano? what kind of nonsense is that? I know that every worship, no matter how good or lousy, is done unto God, but surely this is unacceptable? I dont have to say that the majority of the school population are YOUTHS?!

Speaking from my point of view as a youth, i can say that slow songs really arent the thing for youths. Especially with a so called "spiritual" instrument like the piano. I can safely say that the only type of worship that appeals to me are contemporary songs with a proper band with proper instruments, the guitar simply cant be left out... Ok maybe i'm a bit biased against the piano, but i'm sure that i'm not the only one that doesn't like the worship on monday's chapel. Even non-christians say that the worship is lousy, like....... kenneth.

The most powerful worship i have ever experienced was the worship session me and the rest of the cast of the musical "You Are Special!" had when i was in sec 1. The feeling was indescribable, i felt like i was floating, and i was seriously TOUCHED, I was brought to tears, some people even knelt down unintentionally simply cause of the feeling they were having. It was just so meaningful. The musical was our church's evangelistic outreach for that year, so what i believe that God blessed us that very day as we were worshipping him and being apprehensive about performing later infront of an audience of non-christians. He gave us confidence through touching us before we did something to serve him. At the end of our musical a precher would come and talk about what we were teaching, that everybody was special in God's eyes, then people in the audience that had been touched and changed were asked to raise their hands. We were watching as the few hands were raised, some of us were saddened by the fact that there were so little, but our leader said that it didnt matter. Lately i brought up that subject, and my friend described it as "really scary", i suppose i wasnt the only one that experienced it for the first time. That was my turning point in my Christian life, from just going to church to truly understanding the meaning behind it.

I hope that Grace Kwee will become more aware of the crappy worship and change for the better, and i hope that i will be able to experience that same feeling that i have had before. Worship, to me is the most important part of any service. It serves the purpose of preparing our minds and to keep us focused unto God.

Intelligence

It's like the most important thing in the world when determining status...

why do you think insults like 'stupid' and 'retarded' cut so deeply? It is not because it is openly vulgar, but it is because it is degrading, it makes someone feel like dirt, useless and worthless. But under what circumstances can a person use words like that on a fellow human? There is, was and will never be a real way to judge someone's intelligence, the closest you can get is by constantly having serious conversations with someone. From then you get to know the person really well, and it is thus very easy to see where that person is on the IQ ladder. Why do you think there is so much controversy over the exams? The whole point of exams is theoretically prove how samrt you are, so that you can find a job when you grow up. I wonder if any of you remember the speech i gave in sec one during english... i said that exams dont prove anything but your ability to memorise, your ability to write THAT much in a set period of time. Now i look back at it, and still stand firm to my beliefs.

I know most of you out there perceive me as being stupid... a total retard... i dont know if you pple really mean it, or just do it cause you think thats how i should treat it. Maybe you think that it doesnt affect me, that i just accept it without feeling a single thing. Well i'll have you people know that inside i am wrecked, it tortures me, it is probably the main cause of my depression.... I know my results aren't great, and that sometimes i act in a manner that most of you perceive as 'spastic', but since when do actions determine your intelligence?

Maybe it's just my belief, but i speak out for all you social outcasts out there. I feel that under no circumstances should a person say anything to anyone that will force them to feel like dirt, especially if it isnt true and is done just because thats how you think that person should be treated. Even a passing comment can seriously ruin someone. It is always better to be vulgar and explosive, than to be subtle and hurtful. If some one is apparently normal, not mentally disabled, then there should be no reason to use such hurtful terms on that person, no matter how much you hate him or dislike him. Notice how i hardly use those terms, that probably explains me being openly vulgar. I understand how people in that situation feel and i symphatise with them. I know swearing is against christian values (thus i'm trying to put an end to it this year), but isn't it a greater sin to judge other people? That is God's job and God's job alone. It is not up to you to decide a person's intelligence by using terms. Even complimenting someone for being smart can be as devastating as insulting someone.

Sorry for the long post but i think it's time people out there actually realise how i feel and stop criticising me. We are all equal in God's eyes, there should never be a reason to judge another.

first official post

hey pple i set up this blog quite some time ago, just didnt really tell anyone about it cause i didnt know how to add a tagboard... haha.

XSH
ok everyone knows about our dear new chinese teacher... the retard from hell
on the first day we could already tell that she was incredibly screwed up, like the way she bitched at us and how slow she was in teaching. I mean like, you cant even finish a single lesson in a day? At the rate we're going by the end of the year we would have done like... what was it? 15 ke? Plus her dumbass method of ting xie, stupid zhao ju, we havent even touched our chi yu shou ce, except for tim who's like chao mugger... =) and then just yesterday, she freaking rejected practically ALL of our zhuan ti zhuo ye, which we put in so much hard work and effort. (i speak on behalf of the class because my zhuan ti zhuo ye really sucked...) And she pouts like a seven year old whenever we "qi fu" her, like wtf.... her tolerance of noise level is worse than susila, who actually teaches good stuff. Wish she'll just get stuck in some tight corner and bitch herself to death....

The Band
Erm... to any band member reading this post, i just wanna say sorry for screwing you guys up and causing a mini civil war to break up among you guys. It's just like, what would you do if something that you're passionate about comes along then you're not allowed to do it? Obviously you'd fight for the right to do it... Which is what i did. But i didn't expect the situation to become so serious... didnt know that there'd be so much controversy. Anyway i hope that we will be able to work together properly, even with those who opposed, i'm sorry that you're not happy about the decision but lets just learn to live with each other k? =)